Random find as it had already started when I turned the TV on, and what a find, Steve Martin at his best in a PI spoof with perfectly cut in scenes from real PI movies featuring people like Ava Gardner, Burt Lancaster, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant, Kirk Douglas, Vincent Price, Ingrid Bergman, Veronica Lake, James Cagney etc etc the list just goes on. Probably the best spoof comedy script since Airplane, follows the great old PI films back and forth banter but in a fun new way
Just to give an example these are a few quotes
Juliette Forrest: But what does "FOC" mean?
Rigby Reardon: It's a slang word. It's when a man and a woman are in love, the man puts his...
Juliette Forrest: No, no. It's written here: "F. O. C."
Rigby Reardon: I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I'd solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.
Rigby Reardon: Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.
Butler: Yes?
Rigby Reardon: I'd like to see Ms. Forrest.
Butler: Who shall I say is calling?
Rigby Reardon: Rigby Reardon, tell her I've been shot.
Butler: Very good, sir. May I tell her by whom?
Rigby Reardon: No, I don't know myself.
Butler: Are you all right? You look as though you're going to faint.
Rigby Reardon: Faint? Never... Catch me.
[Rigby Reardon falls on the floor, fainting]
Butler: Sorry, I'm a Butler, not a catcher.
Juliet Forrest: If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don't you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles.
Rigby Reardon: If you want me to investigate your father's death, I get ten dollars a day - plus expenses.
Juliet Forrest: Will two hundred dollars be enough in advance, Mr Reardon?
Rigby Reardon: Two hundred, I'd shoot my grandmother.
Juliet Forrest: That won't be neccessary.
Rigby Reardon: Never can tell. In my last case, I had to throw my own brother out of an airplane
Juliet Forrest: What are you doing?
Rigby Reardon: Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they... shifted all outta whack. There.
Juliet Forrest: Thank you.
Rigby Reardon: You're welcome.
Rigby Reardon: [Gasping] What are you... doing?
Juliet Forrest: Adjusting your willie. When you fell through the window it shifted out of whack.
Rigby Reardon: Thanks.
Juliet Forrest: You're welcome.
Rigby Reardon: [narrating] I hadn't had my willie adjusted like that in a long time, especially without having to beg.
Rigby Reardon: [on the phone] Mrs. Hastings?
Leona: Yes?
Rigby Reardon: My name's Reardon. Sorry to hear your father's passed on.
Leona: No, he hasn't. He won't be back till Sunday.
Rigby Reardon: Sunday? You don't understand, Mrs. Hastings. I'm investigating your father's death.
Leona: Well, that's absurd! My father called me from Chicago tonight. He never mentioned a word!
Rigby Reardon: Maybe it slipped his mind.
Mezz says Watch this
