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"Rabbi, do you charge for circumsisions?"

"No, I just keep the tips."

2 quotes i love from Middle Earth .

"In fact I will go so far as to send you on this adventure. Very amusing for me, very good for you - and profitable too, very likely, if you ever get over it."

--- Quoted by Gandalf the Grey to Bilbo Baggins before he send him on his adventure ---

"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give that to them?"

--- Qoutes from Gandalf in Lord of The Rings to Frodo Baggins ---

Other good quotes:

Veni, vidi, vici (I came, I saw, I conquered.)

--- Said by Julius Caesar in 47 BC when he came home after winning a war against Pharnaces II of Pontus in the city of Zela (currently known as Zile, in Turkey) ---

Carpe diem (Seize the day)

--- From a Poem by Horace ---

Errare humanum est (Its Human to fail)

--- NONE ---

Came over this when looking for that one:

Errare humanum est, sed perseverare diabolicum (to err is human, but to persist (in the mistake) is diabolical) Also better translated into this (To fail is Human, but to persist in the mistake is diabolical). Must say i love this one.

--- From Seneca the Younger ---

ƒëmmë ƒatalë wrote:We Always Hurt The Ones We Love. The Ones We Shouldn't Hurt At All

isint that the truth

Sarah Palin is when America jumped the shark.

"With great power comes great responsibility" - Lisa Simpson
"Who said that!? I'll crush them with my power!!" - Homer Simpson

~[ Greased Gerbil ]~ wrote:"With great power comes great responsibility" - Lisa Simpson
"Who said that!? I'll crush them with my power!!" - Homer Simpson

Simps + fam guy = epic win.

Howzabout

"Can you pass me the cool Hwhip?

stopping by to answer a few pm's and send some..couldn't help but notice this thread. Here are some for you....

"So you think you did well because you worked hard and put 100% effort into this task? Hamsters work hard in their little wheels. They go round and round in circles and go nowhere."
- Alan Sugar

"Could be you’re here because you’re good with words and know the right thing to say at the right time. I know the words to Candle in the Wind. It don't make me Elton John."
- Alan Sugar

"Your mind seems like concrete to me - thoroughly mixed but set in it's ways."
- Alan Sugar

"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing. A great deal of it is absolutely fatal" - Oscar Wilde.

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death." - William Goldman, Princess Bride.

"Chip and pin is an excellent way to kull the stupidest people from our society. Now if you cannot remember four numbers you cannot buy food!" - Michael Mcintyre, Comedy Store 2006.

Sybil Fawlty: "You seem rather joyful Basil."
Basil Fawlty: "Joyful?"
Sybil Fawlty: "Yes. Joyful. Almost... happy..."
Basil Fawlty: "Oh happy.. yes. I remember that. No. No. I'll report it if it happens though dear."
Sybil Fawlty: "Well you look happy to me Basil. All that dancing around and rubbing your hands.."
Basil Fawlty: "Just my way of getting through the day. The Samaritans were engaged."

"Don't buy the cow if you can get the milk for free!"
Cougar Town.

best sources of non media destroyed quotations come from Oscar Wilde I'd say...

"It is important to remember that anyone who has accomplished more than you has no life and anyone who has accomplished less is a noob."

She is gone
You can shed tears that she is gone,or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
By David Harkins

"When the fundamental laws of Sociology offer no more challenges, we must change the laws to challenge ourselves"

"An open mind knows that nothing has its limits"

Well since Semper didn't do it I will lol:

[spoiler]“Any other day I’d say no, but today I’m gonna go ahead and just say no.”

“Oh sure, sure as long as you cut back on your vegetables. And maybe, you know, buy some clothes from this decade.”

“Ah, when it comes to torturing you, everybody’s on the same page.”

“I’m just gonna go ahead and tip myself for calling this one. Thank you, me!”

“I don’t have any anger issues.”

“I’ll drink to hate.”

“Hate to burst your bubble, there, Barbie, but your endocrinology fellowship lasted all of five days. Granted, to you, five days may seem like an eternity seeing as it’s roughly five times as long as any of your white, pasty relationships have lasted. But trust me, that hardly makes you an expert.”

“Eh, I’m tired. Maybe he is from the International Pretentious Association, and he’s here to remove your goatee.”

“I was in a costume, too. I went as someone who doesn’t make a fool out of himself. How’d you not get that?”

“Hat’s off, there, Barbie. That was one potent combination of verbal diarrhea and stunned silence.”

“Barbie! I have a finite amount of brain space and your inspiring story of the little breast who couldn’t just pushed out my memory of the 1980 Olympic Hockey team’s victory at Lake Placid. Miracle on Ice…gone!”

“I’m talking legitimate doctors, turtle head. Here, Pee-Pants is a pathologist, so he doesn’t count. Johnson is a dermatologist, which is Greek for “fake doctor,” and please don’t even get me started on you four surgeons.”

“Barbie, there you are. Thank God. As you know, I can’t make a decision without your help, so here goes. On Oprah, there’s a story about Lindsay Lohan’s eating disorder, but on E! there’s a story about Lindsay Lohan’s fabulous new Tribeca loft. Don’t get me wrong, I want to watch something about Lindsay Lohan. I’m just a little lost here.”

“I used to just look into my gut and know what to do. Now I got all this self-doubt. Barbie, you got massive amounts of doubt, romantically, professionally, personally. How do you deal with it?”

“Holy moly! That would’ve been really embarrassing if you were black.”

“But since she brought you into the world, I do have a message for her uterus. Bad uterus! Don’t do that anymore.”

“You know, as a doctor, I rarely root for the disease, but with you I find myself cheering, “Go hypercalcemia with underlying MEN syndrome! Go! Go! Go!” ”

“I’m a doctor. And we believe that without surgery, a patient in your condition can suffer from a major case of deadness.”

“You’re actually encouraging him to cross-dress on the same day that you’re introducing him to a religion that will condemn him to Hell for it. That’s a trauma twofer.”

“Fine, let him go to church. I mean, I let him go to magic shows. I’ll just tell him it’s all a lie when he gets home so he doesn’t have any of those crazy nightmares.”

“Well, now, Gandhi, since you don’t grasp the fact that I think you’re incompetent, ladies and gentlemen, pay attention please: presenting the world’s longest “Shoosh”. Mmh…Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m goin’ to go ahead and…stop. I’m not committing the way I normally do. When you go away I’ll regroup, maybe see you later.”

“We are working. You see, even though we currently despise each other, we’re professionals. For example, I can lend Barbie a hand despite the fact that she is a heartless “red state” supporting , NRA backing and illegal immigrant hating self-righteous misinformed dope - essentially Karl Rove with smaller boobs.”

“Blondie! He is private practice. Those guys are cocky jackasses who don’t give two shakes about anybody else’s opinion but their own. They’re…they’re me, with one addendum: They’re **Filtered**. And I’m not talking about the good kind of **Filtered** like my ex-wife. They’re **Filtered** for money.”

“She’s mad. But she can’t give me the silent treatment because she knows I’d actually love that, so she’s giving me the talk-until-I-want-to-commit-suicide treatment.”

“A tip jar. Really? So what am I supposed to do, just duke you my change because you poured hot water through beans? Well, I’ll tell you what, my friend, unless you’re also planning on giving me a complimentary reach-around with my beverage, I’m afraid the answer is yeah…no! Here’s a–here’s a novel idea: Why don’t you go fetch me a very large cup of coffee with so damn many fake sugars in it, that the coffee itself gets cancer.”

“And on behalf of men everywhere — and I do mean everywhere, including the ones in the little mud huts - let me be the first to say thanks and alleluia!”

“I’d focus, because that tiny patch of skin on my son’s forehead is more important to me than the entirety of your whole high-fiving, head-shaving, air-balling, mole-lipping, insulin-needing existence, which I guarantee you will come to an abrupt very unnatural end.”

“Oh, my goodness. He actually tricked you into a date. This is so very
delicious and filling I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat the rest of
the evening. In fact, I honestly don’t think I can have one more bite of
your painful humiliation. I find I’m just a little stuffed. Will take my
keys to go, though.”[/spoiler]

All thanks to: Percival Ulysses "Perry" Cox (Doctor Cox)

I do love him.

Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

we rather like this one:

LANDRY (to Charlie)
Charlie, I need a speech explaining to the American people why it's a good thing they'll be without power for an undisclosed period of time.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

if your not down with that we got 2 words for ya .....Suck It Degeneration X


put the pipe down and back away from the Crack ...... RedneckRebel


and my favorite


Kiss my Redneck ASS ....... RedneckRebel