Jack O'Neill: Do you read the Bible, Teal'c?
Teal'c: It is a significant part of your Western culture. Have you not read the Bible, O'Neill?
Jack O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not all of it. Actually, I'm listening to it on tape. Don't tell me how it ends.
General George S. Hammond: It costs nearly a billion dollars just to turn the lights on around here.
Jack O'Neill: How about a bake sale? Yard sale? Garage...
General George S. Hammond: This is what I look like when I'm not laughing, Colonel.
Jack O'Neill: Car wash?
Daniel: I think they're a family.
Jack O'Neill: Of what?
Jack O'Neill: I just walked in with a handfull of ingredients for my world-famous omelette!
Sam Carter: World-famous huh? What's in it?
Jack O'Neill: Eggs.
Sam Carter: I don't think that that actually qualifies as a recipe.
Jack O'Neill: Oh don't kid yourself, there's a secret ingredient I can't tell you what it is or I'd have to shoot you.
Sam Carter: It's beer isn't it?
Daniel: Wow, this place is incredible. It's like we just stepped into the citadel at Mycenae.
Jack O'Neill: I thought you said it was Greek.
Daniel: Oh, Mycenae was an ancient city in the Southern Peloponnesian region.
Jack O'Neill: Where's that?
Daniel: Greece.
Jack O'Neill: Why do I do that?
Daniel: Can you do me a favor? Could you keep an eye on this plant thing for me?
Teal'c: I will keep both of my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson.
[O'Neill gets Teal'c to join him at his cabin for fishing. O'Neill sits and tells Teal'c about fishing as Teal'c stands holding his pole as he does a staff weapon]
Teal'c: There appears to be no fish here, O'Neill.
Jack O'Neill: Its not about the actual fish, themselves. Fish are not important in this context, its about FISHING, the act of fishing itself.
Teal'c: I see.
[a cell phone starts ringing]
Jack O'Neill: You didn't?
Teal'c: By request of General Hammond.
[Answering phone as Teal'c slaps a mosquito] Jack O'Neill: WHAT?... Yes Daniel, he's right here, please hold.
[O'Neill hands the phone to Teal'c]
Teal'c: Daniel Jackson... we have caught nothing, we are fishing.
[Daniel asks for a translation]
Teal'c: "Banished to oblivion."
Daniel Jackson: Thank you
Teal'c: If you require assistance, I would be more the happy to return to the SGC
[O'Neill looks annoyed]
Teal'c: Are you sure?
[taking the phone] Jack O'Neill: Good bye Daniel.
[O'Neill removes the phone battery, and throws it into the lake]
[Teal'c has started hallucinating about his wife]
Teal'c: Do not test my temper, woman.
Daniel Jackson: Woman? Did he just call me a woman?
Jack O'Neill: Yes, I believe he did.
Daniel: Wow, this coffee's great!
Sam Carter: I was just thinking that.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, is that cinnamon?
Daniel: Chicory
[Teal'c unscrews the lid from the coffee pot and drinks the contents]
Sam Carter: Teal'c!
Jack O'Neill: Isn't that hot?
Teal'c: Extremely.
[the others look shocked]
General George S. Hammond: Just stay on the base. We're going to need to keep and eye on you for the time being.
Daniel: I feel fine.
Teal'c: As do I, DANIEL Jackson.
General George S. Hammond: For someone who just drank a half gallon of steaming hot coffee?
Jack O'Neill: Right.
Daniel Jackson: I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Is that a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?
Daniel Jackson: Subtle, huh?
[in an alternate timeline, Teal'c, who is the still the First Prime of Apophis, brings Daniel Jackson before his master]
Apophis: Who are you?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Name's Daniel Jackson. Uh, if you give me back my eyeglasses, I could actually see you.
Teal'c: He claims he is of the Tau'ri.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You weren't supposed to tell him that.
Apophis: The Tau'ri have no Chaapa'ai.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh! Sorry, guess I was wrong. I'm sure your information is correct and ... In fact, I'm usually quite wrong, quite unreliable actually. To be honest with you, I'm insane.
Apophis: I think there is much you can tell me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, if you wanna know about the early settlements of Mesopotamia, I am somewhat of an expert...
Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device in order to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
Colonel: General, I gave the order.
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: I fired the staff weapon.
Capt.: And... I was there.
Baal: You dare mock me?
Colonel: Come on Ba'al, you should know. Of course I dare mock you.
[Stuck in a continous time loop with Teal'c] Jack O'Neill: If it were just me, I'd understand, but what about Teal'c? Come on, is this the face of a crazy man?
Jack O'Neill: He still thinks I'm a Goa'uld, right?
Sam Carter: Yeah, I think so. What are you going to do?
Jack O'Neill: Watch.
[stands up and walks toward the gate]
Jack O'Neill: Jaffa. Kree.
[long sentence of Goa'uld vernacular]
Major General Trofsky: ...
Jack O'Neill: Uh... Didn't you hear me? I said Kree.
Narim: No harm will come to you. The Tollan will guarantee it.
Jack O'Neill: Is that a "money back if you're not completely alive" guarantee?
Teal'c: Appearances may be deceiving.
Jack O'Neill: One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
Daniel: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
Jack O'Neill: Never run with... scissors?
Captain Kyle Rogers: You are all casualties until 1400 hours.
Jack O'Neill: Would that be Daylight Savings or Standard?
Sam Carter: They built their own stargate?
Daniel: Waaay smarter than us.
Jack O'Neill: Ours is bigger.
Jack O'Neill: Teal'c, look scary and take point.
Sam Carter: Normally neutrinos pass right through ordinary matter, no matter how dense. I mean, something like five hundred million billion just passed through you.
Jack O'Neill: No matter how dense.
Jack O'Neill: Just give me some kind of warning.
Teal'c: I'm going to shoot you.
Jack O'Neill: I was thinking more along the lines of "On Three".
Daniel: Wait a minute, you're actually saying that you need someone... dumber than you are?
Jack O'Neill: You may have come to the right place.
Daniel: Their whole world is in flames - and we're offering them gasoline. How does that help?
Teal'c: We are in fact offering water.
Jack O'Neill: Thank you.
Daniel: I was speaking metaphorically.
Jack O'Neill: Well stop it. It's not fair to Teal'c.
Major Robert Thornbird: Some sort of state secret?
Jack O'Neill: No. Just difficult to pronounce.
Captain Kyle Rogers: My lord?
Jack O'Neill: Actually, we just call him General Hammond.
General George S. Hammond: I'd like to debrief ASAP, Colonel.
Jack O'Neill: Yes, my lord.
Sam Carter: Maybourne, you are an idiot everyday of the week, couldn't you have taken just this one day off?
General George S. Hammond: Can these devices be removed?
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Not without causing irreparable brain damage, sir.
Jack O'Neill: What's the down side?
Daniel: Actually, General, the Tollan refused to give us any technology.
Jack O'Neill: Offered us a nice fruit basket though
Commander Rigar: Wormhole?
Jack O'Neill: Giant worms. Huge.
Thor: The Replicators were brought aboard an Asgard ship, for study, before the danger could be fully comprehended.
Jack O'Neill: We do that all the time. Kind of expected more from you guys.
Jack O'Neill: The Goa'uld are coming, Senator!
Senator Kinsey: Then I think they'll be sorry that they took on the US Army!
[sarcastically] Daniel: Right. We'll just upload a virus into their mothership.
Jack O'Neill: Jaffa jokes? Let's hear one of those.
Teal'c: I will attempt to translate one, O'Neill.
[Teal'c thinks]
Teal'c: A Serpent guard, a Horus guard and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's nose drips.
Jack O'Neill: It's always suicide-mission this, save-the-planet that. No one ever stops by just to say 'hi' anymore.
Jack O'Neill: You know, we really should come up with a new strategy. One that does not include us dying.
Jack O'Neill: I think that Sam means, "What do we do now? "
Bra'tac: Now we die.
Jack O'Neill: Well that's a bad plan.
[discussing Daniel's dreams]
Teal'c: Most often, dreams are merely the mind's way of dealing with desires that cannot be fufilled.
Daniel Jackson: Ah. So basically, I'm never gonna get a good night's sleep again.
Teal'c: With all your past experiences, Daniel Jackson, I do not know how you have slept well before now.
Daniel Jackson: Thank you, Teal'c. This conversation has been disturbing... on many levels...
Jack O'Neill: My name's Jack; it means... what's in the box.
Jack O'Neill: I have great confidence in you Carter. Go back to the SGC and... confuse Hammond.
[Jacob/Selmak, Daniel, and Sam are on a Tok'ra scout ship, being questioned by a Goul'd mothership]
Jacob Carter/Selmak: All right, we're almost finished. Sam's just finishing up.
Daniel: Uh, that's good, 'cuz I don't think they bought my act.
Jacob Carter/Selmak: Why? Who'd you say you were?
Daniel: The, uh, Great and Powerful Oz.
Jacob Carter/Selmak: SAM!
Colonel Sean Grieves: I'll say it again, I don't like the idea of going into this unarmed.
Jack O'Neill: And... I don't care.
Lieutenant Kershaw: I feel a lot better knowing there's an archaeologist watching our backs.
[holds up a knife] Daniel Jackson: Yeah, which end do the bullets go in again?
Colonel Sean Grieves: I'd be happy to show you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
some may have been said, if so I am sorry.
