As per my promise... I write now about
- what have you done, to make it that the whole community cannot be trusted?
- what have you done, to make this place so cruel?
- what have you done, to make us wonder?
- what have you done, but destroy this place?
First question:
I don't think I've done anything to make the community into something where people cannot be trusted. Some people may quote me as saying
this as something, but (as I've said before) it was presented out of context, as the thread is public users can make their own decisions now. Other than that I don't think I've done anything to create an environment where one does not trust another (I don't think I did anything). If I did please do let me know.
3rd question:
I'm sure a lot of people wonder about me, about a great many things.
2nd and 4th question:
There was a time, not too long ago, when the Respect Group was the focus of criticism (not constructive), slander, and open 'attacks' from forum users. This was when the group had a colour in their name. My objective isn't to talk about the name colour, but to talk about something that began in the mod station and was brought out/spilled into the general section.
It so happened that in the course of
these events I didn't read a few posts properly from
Åpophis ™ and posted to something I though I saw. Something that wasn't there, but only existed for me (post content not saying what I thought). The thread I'm talking about still exists (as far as I know). It's isn't in public now, but was moved away when a former supermod acted on their own accord moving their thread to "The Dump", and creating the thread in the first place.
Upon realization that I had in fact been totally off the mark with my posts directed toward Åpophis ™ I apologized publicly to him, in that removed thread. I made one post and posted it, but didn't like how it sounded so copied it, edited it, deleted the old post, and reposted before anyone had a chance to reply thereby cutting off my chance to delete my post and put a reply in the same place. I know I only made one delete, and I only deleted my original post (two post from me weren't there in the thread, and the post that was before mine remained).
It so turned out the next day a thread was waiting for me in the moderator station. Not a pm to my inbox but a thread with my name on it and that of another person (not even a mod) asking which one of us had deleted a post, made by a former admin, in the thread that I apologized to Apophis in.
It was clear that since x player wasn't a mod they could not have deleted a post from admin, and so the thread was there for me. The tone of the thread was accusatory. It began asking both of us who deleted the post, but as I was the only mod, it followed in a subsequent post that the admin wanted answers for it or it wouldn't be good for me, another post saying that I shouldn't 'peeve' this admin off (not the word used), and that this admin could find many ways to make my life 'painful'.
I was accused of something, convicted of being guilty, and was being tried by a former admin and former supermod before I had a chance to speak or even read the thread. All the while a former supermod was trying to bring in examples to show that I was incompetent and guilty of the accusations put before me.
I began thinking that I had done something wrong. Something I was unaware of and that I should not have done. I began knowing what I did, but not of what happened. My search began in the mod logs scouring each entry looking for an answer to what happened.
As the story played out the former admin said that it was only me and the other person who deleted posts in that thread, and later turned out that the former supermod also deleted a post in that thread, that same supermod who had been trying to show I was incompetent and guilty. I moved quickly from confusion into anger.
I came back into the thread. I layed out the time sequence of my posts, who I talked to that night, I accounted for IP's and where I was and showed correlation between pm's sent and the apology respective to time.
I began a tirade upon my accuser and his supporter for the accusations, what was claimed, and what actually took place:
- former admin says I delete his post, threatens me, and says only myself and another person (not a mod) deleted in that thread
- former supermod presents a case of me being guilty through incompetence and neglect
- it is found that supermod above also deleted in the thread
- I present my case accoutn for time, IP's, who I talked to, pm's I send close to the time I posted the apology again with tirade at end.
The post is what has been presented on the forum, blacked out to only show swearing, and it wasn't pasted on this forum in it entirety: it just shows the tirade. In the process it doesn't present my case, it shows a one sided view of what happened.
This is the post as it appears as publicly posted on this forum. I only edited out the bad words. Ironically enough, in the thread this post appears some have judged me based on only seeing my post, saying that I should have been more mature, etc., etc. (will comment on later). A judgement without know what happened before, and what was even said in my post (so much was blacked out). Apparently it is enough for some to prove guilt... and I am told I always see what I want to?
someone wrote:Spacey wrote:XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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This is --- ridiculous!
I am
--- tired of all this garbage. I get the impression that you thin that this is some kind of a joke, or as you said:
geisha wrote:XXXXXXXXXX
What the
--- are you talking about? XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Spacey wrote:XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
What other
--- post of mine is in that thread! XXXXXXXXXX What the
---are you going on about? XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Would you
shut the ---! Take your own medicine! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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-------
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Are you
---kidding me![/b][/size] XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
---XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
What the
--- ETL? XXXXXXXXXX
I am sooo
--- tired of this same stuff! It never
--- ends here! We are supposed to be
--- adults XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Are you
--- kidding me?!?!!
The time that the former admin posted was never said (the former supermod was proving more answers for the admin's post... former admin didn't post again in the thread), who the post was after was never said, along with other things, and more importantly how a supermod could know more and present more about admin post than admin still baffles me. There was my accusation and conviction of being guilty though, and even that was done 'publicly' to all mods rather than in pm.
In the following weeks I did not let up. My name was sullied without proof or even strong evidence. The former supermods thread about the Respect Group and the arguments and attacks continued in public, and my accusation of guilt raged on behind closed doors.
I should have posted better. I regret not doing so. In my anger I help to divide the mod station and helped create an atmosphere that I hated seeing when others argued with each other.
I became that which I strove so hard to fight against. To fight your enemy you must know your enemy. In my anger I was consumed and raged my war in public (anti respect group thread) and in private (accusation thread). I was being attacked on both fronts and took the battle to those who wished to wage a war with me and took their tactics back to them. In lowering myself to the level of those who attacked me I ended up hurting those around me: those mods who, like me at one point, hated seeing other mods argue.
I lost what it was that made me want to be a mod, and disappointed myself in conducting myself in a manner that those I had idolized in modding would have never acted (in no order: Wolf359, Sleip, buck, Pookie, Psi, Goo, Spoon, and The King).
To them (my modding idols and mods to see the arguement) I am eternally sorry. Even to those who accused me I apologized for my conduct (the above post): the supermod saying to my pm that my apology means nothing, and I got no reply from the former admin (no surprise there).
This is what I have done to make this place worse. I stepped down as supermod because of it, [and] was/is looking for someone to replace me in Misc and as leader of the Respect Group.
I can't remember how many times I've told people that they need to think about what they see. That I could be accused, threatened, convicted in less than one page of posts without speaking for myself and with people not presenting all the facts astounds me.
Part of me wants that thread to be public. It is amazing that of all the "scandals" that have made their way here into the public, that this isn't one of them. The puppet masters have guided this forum to depths they have never reached, and there is something to be said for 5-6 months of defending yourself and something you belief in, but I know nothing good will come of those threads being made public (again and for the first time). It's almost like they are have played on the love of sensational events, stressing some and letting some die.
It was tragic irony that the same accusations of advantages/benefits that were leveled to the respect group for a name colour on the forum were also brought to mods for the name name ingame: the claim that it conferred some value for having it.
I don't think what I've written does justice to what actually happened, nor does it show sequence of disputes on this forum and correlation with players throughout the past 6 months. I don't think anyone would be interested or make a huff about this, as opposed to misquoting someone to prove guilt of mods, and so it seems, only those who saw this happening will know much of it as it's gradually forgotten and buried under what some guide many in seeing. Like sheep being lead to their slaughter (the trend of this forum) it is no wonder we are where we are.
I imagine that this post will get few (if any) replies, and less still to read what I've written, and even less that stop to think about everything that I said and what they haven't seen.
THINK. THINK. THINK. If you do anything in life: think for yourself. Think critically and never accept outright what someone tells you, be that in a jpeg of a post, a partial quote from someones full post, or being told something from someone you probably don't really know (as someone has quoted me as saying 'do we really know anyone here, if we don't actually know them in real life'). So many here don't think for themselves and many more don't want to... but ask yourself if that will help you in life?
It makes the difference of being lead to leading.