the weirdest book ever?
Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:10 am
was just browsing design contests and there's one for the book cover. this is what that book is about:
Satan is a 300 pound indestructable immortal neanderthal who was entertaining himself by driving horses off of cliffs when he discovered that the cro magnons started doing it too, as a form of hunting. this is when he learned that what he really wanted to do with is eternal punishment of bordom is to start manipulating mankind. The second coming of Christ occured in the year AD 79 at which time Satan was bound in hell. An angel was supposed to destroy the earth but didn't have the heart to. This was witnessed by one man who documented it, but the document is kept secret. Satan escapes from hell in 1079 and starts wreaking havoc on the planet. In 1979 the "real" space shuttle Enterprise is launched in secret, but vanishes without a trace. The "fake" enterprise winds up in a museum. 30 years later the shuttle is discovered having belly landed in a florida prairie and it contains a bomb that will destroy the earth, unfortuately the detonator was found by a local sherriff and he and a science teacher tried to melt it down because they thought it was gold, and produced a 3 mile deep crater where their town used to be. Satan steals the bomb from the shuttle but he needs an atom bomb to detonate it. Saints are sneaking people into heaven (hence catholicism) but it's "outer heaven". they hatch a scheme to reconcile the human race with god, who they assume does not know the earth is still there. Satan learns of this scheme and issues an ultimatum (because it would mean his final end) that they abandon this scheme or he'll destroy everyone with the bomb in the shuttle. also, a man killed in the WTC at 9/11 is sent to sneak the soul of Mohammed Atta into heaven, and, not understanding that it's part of their reconciliation plan, gets upset and crosses the barrier into inner heaven to snitch on the saints ... anyway, the story goes on and on and on like that. There is a big showdown at the end where the Airforce is battling Satan with A-10's and the saints and historical figures from outer heaven like Larry Storch and Richard Feynman come clean, first to the rest of the people on Earth (hence the A-10 battle) and they also decide to go directly into heaven through the portal opened up by the shuttle 35 miles high over texas, but since the shuttle is badly damaged, and they don't even make shuttle rockets or the particular formula of fuel it used, they have to come up with a creative solution involving a C-5 Galaxy and the third stage rocket of a captured Shahab ICBM launched by terrorists at CENTCOM at the behest of Satan try and destroy the shuttle which had been moved there, so they could not find God and beg him for mercy (this is their only working plan at this point) (it's long story how they managed to recover the Shahab but it's believeble, considering the general tone of the story) and the A-10 battle occurs when Satan starts beating his way into CENTCOM to get the warhead (which he does) and well, more stuff happens but it all ends with everything being back to normal, if you can imagine that (no it wasn't all a dream).
Satan is a 300 pound indestructable immortal neanderthal who was entertaining himself by driving horses off of cliffs when he discovered that the cro magnons started doing it too, as a form of hunting. this is when he learned that what he really wanted to do with is eternal punishment of bordom is to start manipulating mankind. The second coming of Christ occured in the year AD 79 at which time Satan was bound in hell. An angel was supposed to destroy the earth but didn't have the heart to. This was witnessed by one man who documented it, but the document is kept secret. Satan escapes from hell in 1079 and starts wreaking havoc on the planet. In 1979 the "real" space shuttle Enterprise is launched in secret, but vanishes without a trace. The "fake" enterprise winds up in a museum. 30 years later the shuttle is discovered having belly landed in a florida prairie and it contains a bomb that will destroy the earth, unfortuately the detonator was found by a local sherriff and he and a science teacher tried to melt it down because they thought it was gold, and produced a 3 mile deep crater where their town used to be. Satan steals the bomb from the shuttle but he needs an atom bomb to detonate it. Saints are sneaking people into heaven (hence catholicism) but it's "outer heaven". they hatch a scheme to reconcile the human race with god, who they assume does not know the earth is still there. Satan learns of this scheme and issues an ultimatum (because it would mean his final end) that they abandon this scheme or he'll destroy everyone with the bomb in the shuttle. also, a man killed in the WTC at 9/11 is sent to sneak the soul of Mohammed Atta into heaven, and, not understanding that it's part of their reconciliation plan, gets upset and crosses the barrier into inner heaven to snitch on the saints ... anyway, the story goes on and on and on like that. There is a big showdown at the end where the Airforce is battling Satan with A-10's and the saints and historical figures from outer heaven like Larry Storch and Richard Feynman come clean, first to the rest of the people on Earth (hence the A-10 battle) and they also decide to go directly into heaven through the portal opened up by the shuttle 35 miles high over texas, but since the shuttle is badly damaged, and they don't even make shuttle rockets or the particular formula of fuel it used, they have to come up with a creative solution involving a C-5 Galaxy and the third stage rocket of a captured Shahab ICBM launched by terrorists at CENTCOM at the behest of Satan try and destroy the shuttle which had been moved there, so they could not find God and beg him for mercy (this is their only working plan at this point) (it's long story how they managed to recover the Shahab but it's believeble, considering the general tone of the story) and the A-10 battle occurs when Satan starts beating his way into CENTCOM to get the warhead (which he does) and well, more stuff happens but it all ends with everything being back to normal, if you can imagine that (no it wasn't all a dream).
